It was a day of catching up with my favorite people on earth, just sat around enjoying each other’s company. I am not sure how I managed to be so blessed with the people that I have and have had in my life, but I am. My kid is the best cook in the world and oh my gosh Thanksgiving leftovers are the best!
Today I am grateful for days like today, filled with joy,
love and laughter.
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My granddaughter had a rough day, someone came into her lane, and she ended up going off the road to keep from being hit, busted her front tire. She was shaken up but thankfully she and Slimer will be just fine.
Later in the day she had an interview for an impressive job, but about thirty minutes before her appointment they called and said they would have to reschedule. Of course, she asked why. Their response was the building they were in was on fire, thankfully no one was hurt.
Today I am grateful that sweet girl was kept safe and sound, she is learning to roll with the punches for sure!
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Many moons ago I used to do crafts, crocheted, needle point, cross stitch and so many other things, I loved that part of myself. One year I made all my Christmas ornaments and even crocheted “popcorn” to go around the tree, it was one of my most wonderful experiences and beautiful too!
I got this bright idea to be make Christy and Taylor
something special for Christmas this year. I am not sure what I was thinking, I
cannot tell you how many times I gave up today and it was the first day!
It is very unlikely that they will be completed for Christmas,
but I am determined to do this. I started years ago before Austin’s passing and
gave it up. I still have them put away in a box.
I bought new items to do this, and boy was I overconfident!
One thing I have learned today is that I am not as crafty as I used to be and
dang sure not patient at all.
Christy called me this evening and I was in tears, she asked
me what was wrong. I told her I was working on her Christmas gift, and I am not
happy with the results so far. I was so emotional over this which was silly,
but I told her I wanted it to be perfect!
With so much love she said it will be mom. I asked her what
makes you so sure she said because Mom, you made it.
That small child in me wants it to be “perfect” but the old
woman in me is so happy that she will love it because it is made with love and
every step of this project is done with thoughts of her.
Today I am so grateful that she feels that way about me.
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I called Hunter today to ask him what he would like for Christmas, and he shared something he says he has wanted forever. I was stunned to say the least. So, I called Christy and said…
I got bad news, and I got good news which do you want first?
She says lord help me, give me the bad news first.
I said the bad news is I KNOW what Hunter wants for Christmas,
and she laughed and said what is the good news?
I said the good news is I KNOW what Hunter wants for Christmas;
it was wonderful listening to her laugh.
She says I am scared to ask what it is, and I said you
should be!
I told her he wants an accordion for Christmas! We both thanked
God all her children are musical and that the rough part is over quickly.
We laughed and moaned and then I began looking for one.
I called her back and told her I found two that I think he
would be able to manage easily, one a dark deep red and one a pearl blue. I asked
her which color do you think he would like? She paused and said he won’t care
mom, to which I replied to which color does he like best. Then BOOM it hit me
like a ton of brinks. I said oh my god I can not believe I forgot! I feel
horrible to which she replied no mom it is beautiful because it means you do
not see him any different than anyone else.
So, we decided on the pearl blue.
Today I am grateful that we all just see the soul of the
person and nothing else.
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On this day in 2017 we were guest of Imagine Dragons and
they treated us like royalty. Here is what I wrote on that day to my AS
community when I shared the wonderful news.
So many things to share and so many acts of kindness. Was a
lifetime experience to share with my favorite people in the world. He
remembered me! Said it was great to see me, hugged me, same with Christy, the
kids are in awe because he said it was an honor to meet them. The kindness,
love, and compassion these men showed my family during the greet and meet and
all in between will never be forgotten. I can't walk today the pain is so severe,
but I would do it a million times over!
To experience, watch and feel nothing but pure joy and
freedom of worry of all the burdens they carry was the most humbling and
amazing thing. Shout out to my friend Johnny for making the ride possible.
Shout out to Imagine Dragons for taking the time to meet my family. And a huge
shout out to all of you who have supported me for years, encouraging me and for
believing in me, we've come a long way from that woman writing her suicide
letter so many years ago. I hope that through my experiences that people will
hold on to hope and live the life they were meant to.
Dan Reynolds, Austin, Cookie, Daniel Platzman, Taylor, Ben McKee,
Wayne Sermon, Hunter, and Christy.
Today I am so grateful for this experience, I remember all
of us being so happy and carefree while we were there. I am so grateful for the
memories of this amazing time in our lives.
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Yesterday I realized that Christmas in only a month away, so I seriously decided to put some thought into what I wanted to get the kiddos. It has been difficult the past five Christmases without Austin. There is something that I wanted to make years ago and regret that I did not so this is the year.
I took a shower got dressed in real clothes and left the house about 2:00 pm. Midway there I realize it was SATURDAY! I rarely leave the house anymore and have not seen this number of cars in I do not know how long! It was crazy!
People were everywhere. But I had already put a lot of effort in this adventure, and I was not going to
give up! That is until I got to Hobby Lobby, the parking lot was jammed packed! Not one parking spot available!
I debated with myself as I drove round and round the parking
lot, telling myself I could do this another day, but I did not give up. I
finally found a parking spot close to the door. But I must admit I was NOT
prepared for all the people standing in line to checkout and shockingly every
lane was open and full! I stood there with a deer caught in the headlight
look. I turned around to leave because I knew there was no way I could stand in
line that long without my walker.
As I was going out the door I turned around and went back in
reminding myself I am no quitter! I went straight to the isle I needed and
spent over two hours trying to decide what designs I needed. I was so overwhelmed
with the choices and ideas that were available. Two hours later I am ready to
check out! I was pleasantly surprised when I went to check out, each lane only
had about five people in line each.
It has been a long time since I seen this many people out
and about, it was nice but odd at the same time.
By the time I got home I was exhausted, so I settled down to
watch TV when my daughter called to tell me the amazing job offer Taylor received.
We are extremely happy for her and so proud of her.
Today I am grateful that I braved the stores, and I am so grateful for such a brave and beautiful granddaughter who is making a place for herself in the world. Watch out world here she comes!
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I just realized it is a month until Christmas and have no idea what I am going to give the kids. I called Hunter to ask him what he wanted, and he said an accordion. I was like oh hell. So, I called Christy and said Well I got good news and bad news. She says oh no. I told her the good news is I know what Hunter wants for Christmas bad news is I know what Hunter wants for Christmas!
So, the hunt began, as I was looking, I finally figured out
what I want to get the girls! So, I did a little shopping for Christmas today.
Today I am grateful that I even care about Christmas this
year and I remembered in time to look for actual gifts this year.
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The kiddos have been making the new place theirs little by little. This afternoon Christy sent me a picture saying look what I did.
I told her that just warmed my heart, she said yeah, I finally did it only took me a year. I replied it took you the amount of time you needed, and it was the perfect time to.
After my conversation with Christy I was notified of a friends death, Rest in Peace Jerrel.
Today I am grateful that my daughter is starting to make it
their home now.
So, Buttercup has been working about three weeks now, and today she is going to go get her first official paycheck. Man, I remember my first official paycheck and wondered who the heck stole my money out of my check. Welcome to adulthood, Buttercup!
What I wanted to share with you is the wit this kiddo has, Christy said when Taylor was getting ready to leave, she says Well I am off to find out what three weeks of my life is worth.
God, I love that kid!
Today and everyday I am so grateful for this quick witted, gentle soul we call Buttercup. Nanny loves you Taylor, more than you will ever know. Your strength and determination is inspiring to me.
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Christy called and asked me if I could come and visit Hunter so she could go and run some errands and I was happy too! I love spending time with these amazing human beings every chance I get. It is always so wonderful when I first arrive all the animals come running to the door excited to see me. I get kisses and all kinds of love, but the most special loving comes from Molly and Mini Mutt, it took years for them to warm up to me, so I cherish their love a little bit more because I know what it took to get to that place.
Dipper was so crazy she barked and barked ran towards Christy’s bedroom and back to me, over and over like follow me, Nanny! Finally, I followed her, and she went straight to the bathtub and stood up and peered inside. There was one of the cutest little kittens I had ever seen. Her mother died during childbirth and their friend was raising her, so Christy was taking care of her for a little while. It was so precious watching how excited Dipper was showing me HER little kitten.
After visiting with the girls, I went in to visit Hunter, who is still recovering from hip surgery, he is doing fantastic. He is such a resilient young man, life has been so cruel to him, but he still smiles and never waivers in his faith.
We love discussing politics, music, religion and so many other things, we do not always agree with each other, but we never miss a chance to learn from each other. I noticed his guitar and I was so excited to see he was playing again; this made my heart so happy. I casually mentioned seeing his guitar and asked if he was playing again, he said yep sure am, do you want to hear what I am working on?
He has played with guitars as soon as he was able to sit up and is such an amazing musician, but losing Duck made it difficult for all of us to continue doing things we love.
I closed my eyes while he played, letting the tears slip and travel down my cheeks, I didn’t wipe them away but just let them flow like his music was through my heart.
He played several songs for me; one he is composing and some that were Ducks favorite. Outlaw laid at our feet doing his little noises, it was almost as if he was singing along. It was wonderful hearing the music fill the room. His smile lit up my soul, and I savored every note he played. Wondering what if?
We spent the afternoon listening to music, telling jokes, discussing silly and important things, and just enjoying making memories. I live for these days.
The girls finally arrived, and we all visited and caught up on things going on. Taylor is doing amazing at her new job, she shared things about the people she is caring for but was very respectful about the rules for their privacy. My respect grew so much for her, showing her compassion and respect for their privacy. I loved watching her eyes sparkle as she shared what was special about each of them.
I can not express how much I love this people and what I would do for them, they are my world.
It is always hard to say goodbye because I am always afraid this will be my last time to see them.
Today I am grateful for the genuine happiness that filled our hearts today, and the love that surrounds us.
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It was four years today that we all gathered in the chapel to say goodbye to Austin. I remember sitting there lost in thoughts thinking surely this is a nightmare and that I will wake up soon. But it wasn’t, the horrible truth was when this was over, we were going to be leaving this wonderful kind and precious human being here.
I try so hard to not let the rage suffocate me, and the sorrow
paralyze my heart, but it does at times.
Life after this day has been difficult for all of us. I remember
one day when we were all gathered around having our many discussions, my favorite
part of life was sitting around my kiddo’s talking about things people would be
stunned to know we discussed, but nothing was off limits, and I mean nothing.
We were talking about organ donations, donating ourselves to
science and things we wanted if it was our time to leave, this conversation had
taken place years before today. I made
the comment I was afraid over time I would be forgotten when I was gone.
Of course, we all said to each other we would never forget
each other. But Austin said Nanny if your loved one is in your heart and memories,
and you still say their name they will never be gone. You are only gone when your
name is no longer said.
Today I am grateful that we all speak about him every day
and say his name.
We love you Austin, we miss you and we are forever grateful
for the nineteen years we were blessed with you and the cherished memories you gave
to us.
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It was a quiet day, the weather is cool, so I had the windows and doors open all day airing out the house. I find it comforting hearing all the dogs snoring while napping.
My emotions are all over the place, but I am discovering
the rage inside doesn’t feel as explosive these past few days. I now find
myself just exhausted from sorrow. We have lost so much family these past four
years, the sorrow is killing me.
I spent some time going through my pictures on my phone, so many wonderful memories stored there.
Today I am grateful for phones that allow you to take as many pictures as you want and doesn’t cost you anything. Such beautiful memories to treasure at your fingertips.
Snap away you will not regret it! Even if they are not smiling!
It is the fourth anniversary of Austin’s passing and we have all decided to gather at Christy’s house to spend a day of remembrance. Austin’s friends, and family were in attendance, and it was so wonderful.
The menu consisted of just foods and drinks that Austin loved, BBQ pulled pork, coleslaw, potato salad, baked beans, lemon and carrot cake and lots more.
I spent most of my time with Hunter due to him still recovering from hip surgery and we entertained each other with our favorite memories of Austin.
I leaned so many amazing new things that I never knew about him and everyone else did too.
Everyone should do this it does a soul good.
Today I am grateful for this beautiful day and all the wonderful new memories I will have of Austin; it has dulled the rage a little bit. I hope that will continue in the days to come.
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Sometimes I wished I had known that October 20, 2019, would be the last day that our family would be complete. The things I would have said, the things I would have done differently. Life is so cruel and wonderful all rolled up in one.
But Today I am grateful that I didn’t know…
October 19, 2019, is one of my most cherished days of my life, it is the last day that I spent with Austin. As time goes on there are more things I remember about this day and cherish that much more.
Your Nanny misses you Duck.
I love you sweet Austin.
Today and every day I am grateful for EVERY SECOND I was blessed to know this beautiful human being.
Taylor started a new job today, she is working as a home health caretaker, she said she wants to experience all the different experiences in the medical field before making her final decision. She will perfect for this because she has had a lot of experience in this field in her short life. She is such a gentle, kind, compassionate and empathetic person. She is what we in our family call an old soul.
She loves the person she has today, but her heart is broken
because he is going into a long-term facility. She went with him to help him
settle in. We reminded her that he needed her spirit today and the next person
she cares for will need her also.
She is turning out to be such a remarkable young woman. i am so excited she is getting to spread love, compassion and kindness to everyone she meets.
Today I am so grateful to have been blessed to watch that
sweet little baby grows into this amazing woman.
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I had so many errands to do today, when I was finished, I surprised the kids with a visit. It always melts my heart to be greeted by all the "furry" grandkids, as well as my human family!
I visited with Hunter awhile to see how he was doing and then visited with the girls. Taylor showed me all her new tattoos, one she did in honor of her poppy and me. Hank Hill of all things!
It was a wonderful day spending time with my favorite
people.
Today and every day I am grateful for these wonderful people
who just happen to be my favorite people!
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Christy called me this evening at first, I thought she was crying but she was hysterically laughing. I waited for what seem forever for her to stop. She kept trying to tell me why she was laughing but she would start all over again, finally I was laughing with her and had no clue why. But the sound of her laughter was music to my soul. We laughed forever, finally she told me that she got a suggestion on Amazon for a Cat Lady Action figure and sent it to her girlfriend saying I guess this is what I need since it seems like I am going to be single forever, I laughed, and she said NO wait. Then she busted out in giggles and couldn’t talk for laughing.
Finally, she said I THOUGHT I sent it to my girlfriend, but I sent it to my yard guy!
He replied and I asked her what it said, and she said I CAN’T open that MOM! Finally, she sent a text to him saying Oh my god I meant to send that to my girlfriend, he said what? I didn’t see a thing. (wink wink)
We laughed and laughed and laughed. I am telling you it was music for the soul to hear that kid laugh like that!
Today I am grateful for Amazon and Cat lady Action figures, but most of all for laughter that sounds like music for the soul.
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Well, the day has come we no longer have any children in the family, they are ALL adults. Taylor started her new job today. During her break she texted her mom, sh*t just got real. She even got flirted with! She has become such an amazing human being, and I am so proud to be her Nanny.
Today I am grateful that my prayers were answered that I did
get to stick around long enough for her to remember me.
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