Saying Your Name

It was four years today that we all gathered in the chapel to say goodbye to Austin. I remember sitting there lost in thoughts thinking surely this is a nightmare and that I will wake up soon. But it wasn’t, the horrible truth was when this was over, we were going to be leaving this wonderful kind and precious human being here.

I try so hard to not let the rage suffocate me, and the sorrow paralyze my heart, but it does at times.

Life after this day has been difficult for all of us. I remember one day when we were all gathered around having our many discussions, my favorite part of life was sitting around my kiddo’s talking about things people would be stunned to know we discussed, but nothing was off limits, and I mean nothing.

We were talking about organ donations, donating ourselves to science and things we wanted if it was our time to leave, this conversation had taken place years before today.  I made the comment I was afraid over time I would be forgotten when I was gone.

Of course, we all said to each other we would never forget each other. But Austin said Nanny if your loved one is in your heart and memories, and you still say their name they will never be gone. You are only gone when your name is no longer said.

Today I am grateful that we all speak about him every day and say his name.

We love you Austin, we miss you and we are forever grateful for the nineteen years we were blessed with you and the cherished memories you gave to us.