Compassion On Aisle Three

I went to our local Dollar General store today to pick up a few items, the young girl assisting me was just a sweetheart. We ended up talking for a little bit, I am not sure how we got on her father passing, but we ended up sharing beautiful memories with each other and having a beautiful moment of understanding.

I rarely go out anymore and today I am so grateful to have been blessed with such a beautiful experience with such a sweet person. Compassion is such a beautiful thing especially when you find it on aisle three.

Treasure Chest Of Memories

I decided to clean out the closet and came across a few scan disks from my old camera. I had no idea what would be on them, so I went to Walgreens, uploaded and had them printed. Never looking at them.

Later, today I sat down with the package of pictures and decided to go through them. I am not sure what emotions I was feeling but they were pictures from 2010 till 2017. I felt as if I had found a hidden treasure chest of precious memories, which I had. I had forgotten I even had them.

Today I am grateful to have been blessed to find these today and to be able to quietly cherish precious memories.

Busy As A Bee

I managed to be very productive today, which has become such a rarity and I always pay with pain later on. I was busy as a bee.

But today I am grateful to be able to still be productive some days.

My Favorite Kind Of Day

It was a day of catching up with my favorite people on earth, just sat around enjoying each other’s company. I am not sure how I managed to be so blessed with the people that I have and have had in my life, but I am. My kid is the best cook in the world and oh my gosh Thanksgiving leftovers are the best!

Today I am grateful for days like today, filled with joy, love and laughter.

Memories

It has been six years since my Wallie passed away, so much loss since that day. It has been a day filled with memories of days in the past. I spent most of the day in bed, seems Ankylosing Spondylitis wanted to be a pain in my AS.....

Today I am grateful to have memories to carry me through the painful days.

I Felt Seen

I went to my rheumatologist today and it turned out to be great! A resident came in, seemed kind of excited to meet me, seems he has never seen or met anyone with Ankylosing Spondylitis and a WOMAN AT THAT! He said there was very little taught or covered about this disease and wanted to know more.

He was so kind and compassionate and excited to question me about things, the questions he asked me caught me off guard because no one had ever thought to ask me about those subjects. It was a wonderful visit and he asked me if I had any suggestions for him.

I looked at him and said the best thing a doctor can do for their patients is to listen and not be dismissive, because they are the ones that know their bodies and how they feel.

It was a wonderful visit and I walked away with a little smile. I ended up stopping in and seeing the kids on my way, always my favorite thing to do in life.

Today I am grateful that he was so compassionate and kind in how he approached me, that he saw me as a person and not a diagnosis. I felt seen.

What Next

My granddaughter had a rough day, someone came into her lane, and she ended up going off the road to keep from being hit, busted her front tire. She was shaken up but thankfully she and Slimer will be just fine. 

Later in the day she had an interview for an impressive job, but about thirty minutes before her appointment they called and said they would have to reschedule. Of course, she asked why. Their response was the building they were in was on fire, thankfully no one was hurt.

Today I am grateful that sweet girl was kept safe and sound, she is learning to roll with the punches for sure!

Shopping Is A Breeze

As a person who has Ankylosing Spondylitis and struggle to do simple things in life, I cannot begin to tell you how important that online shopping services are for my local grocery store. When this service was not available, I would have to make trips about every two days, because I could only endure shopping for a little bit of time. I would always have to take a pain pill and lay down afterwards because the pain in my lower back was unbearable. 

But now I go online do my shopping, drive to the store, and wait for it to be brought out to me. I ALWAYS express my gratitude for this service because it has been life changing for me. I drive home, get my wagon load up the groceries and then I only put the items away that need to be refrigerated, sometimes I can manage doing all at once.

Today I am grateful for the person who thought this up, to the people who do my shopping for me but most of all I am grateful for the improvement and extra time this service has given to me. Yep I am a click it girl! 

Because Mom

Many moons ago I used to do crafts, crocheted, needle point, cross stitch and so many other things, I loved that part of myself. One year I made all my Christmas ornaments and even crocheted “popcorn” to go around the tree, it was one of my most wonderful experiences and beautiful too!

I got this bright idea to be make Christy and Taylor something special for Christmas this year. I am not sure what I was thinking, I cannot tell you how many times I gave up today and it was the first day!

It is very unlikely that they will be completed for Christmas, but I am determined to do this. I started years ago before Austin’s passing and gave it up. I still have them put away in a box.

I bought new items to do this, and boy was I overconfident! One thing I have learned today is that I am not as crafty as I used to be and dang sure not patient at all.

Christy called me this evening and I was in tears, she asked me what was wrong. I told her I was working on her Christmas gift, and I am not happy with the results so far. I was so emotional over this which was silly, but I told her I wanted it to be perfect!

With so much love she said it will be mom. I asked her what makes you so sure she said because Mom,  you made it.

That small child in me wants it to be “perfect” but the old woman in me is so happy that she will love it because it is made with love and every step of this project is done with thoughts of her.

Today I am so grateful that she feels that way about me. 

Saying Goodbye

My heart breaks for Lisa as she says her final goodbye to her husband. There are so many things I wonder about.

Today I am grateful for all of those wonderful beings that have crossed my path.

Rest in peace Jerrel.

Quiet Observer

I am so blessed that every night I get to quietly observe a herd of deer every single evening. I sit on my porch every evening reflecting on the day advents and wait. They never fail to appear. I found out years ago that everyone watches over them and provides food for them.

They are such beautiful creatures and I love watching them.

Today I am grateful for this beautiful experience, that I have been blessed to be a part of for years now.

Unconditional Love

We have had Pebbles now for nine plus years, and she is the sweetest little girl. It took her a very long time to acclimate, but she still struggles with being aggressive with the other dogs at times. She is always on defensive mode; I can sympathize with her because that is how I am. She has been treated so horribly that if you scold her with saying you are a bad girl in a normal tone, she will still urinate till this very day.

I cannot even imagine the hell she has gone through; what I know is horrible enough and heartbreaking. Every single evening while I am watching television, she will jump on my lap unexpectedly and just stare at me. She has done this every single day since she came home from the ICU hospital stay years ago. She will stare at me so intently and then she will lean against hugging me for a few minutes then she jumps down going on her merry way.

It has always tickled me but today it hit me, the magnitude of what she is doing, she is reassuring me how grateful she is, or making sure I still love her. She is such an expressive animal and seems to just know… You know what I mean. This evening when she did, I was overcome with emotion and memories of the time I picked her up at the hospital after weeks in ICU.

We both have never forgotten that moment.

Today I am grateful that the universe blessed me with this amazing little girl, I hope and pray she can feel my unconditional love for her. 

Unsubscribe

Oh my gosh, I was watching 90 day fiance the other way and two of the couples got into an argument, a pretty heated one. Then all the sudden the woman jumps up and says I am unsubscribing to this conversation! 

I laughed till I was crying, I just could not stop laughing. Can you imagine how wonderful it would be if you only communicated with people you "subscribe" to! 

I called Christy and then we were both laughing, it was so wonderful to be laughing such abandonment.

Today I am grateful for these moments that my daughter and I can just have a good old belly laugh. It is such a beautiful sound.

I Got News

I called Hunter today to ask him what he would like for Christmas, and he shared something he says he has wanted forever. I was stunned to say the least. So, I called Christy and said…

I got bad news, and I got good news which do you want first? She says lord help me, give me the bad news first.

I said the bad news is I KNOW what Hunter wants for Christmas, and she laughed and said what is the good news?

I said the good news is I KNOW what Hunter wants for Christmas; it was wonderful listening to her laugh.

She says I am scared to ask what it is, and I said you should be!

I told her he wants an accordion for Christmas! We both thanked God all her children are musical and that the rough part is over quickly.

We laughed and moaned and then I began looking for one.

I called her back and told her I found two that I think he would be able to manage easily, one a dark deep red and one a pearl blue. I asked her which color do you think he would like? She paused and said he won’t care mom, to which I replied to which color does he like best. Then BOOM it hit me like a ton of brinks. I said oh my god I can not believe I forgot! I feel horrible to which she replied no mom it is beautiful because it means you do not see him any different than anyone else.

So, we decided on the pearl blue.

Today I am grateful that we all just see the soul of the person and nothing else.

Memories

 

On this day in 2017 we were guest of Imagine Dragons and they treated us like royalty. Here is what I wrote on that day to my AS community when I shared the wonderful news.

So many things to share and so many acts of kindness. Was a lifetime experience to share with my favorite people in the world. He remembered me! Said it was great to see me, hugged me, same with Christy, the kids are in awe because he said it was an honor to meet them. The kindness, love, and compassion these men showed my family during the greet and meet and all in between will never be forgotten. I can't walk today the pain is so severe, but I would do it a million times over!

To experience, watch and feel nothing but pure joy and freedom of worry of all the burdens they carry was the most humbling and amazing thing. Shout out to my friend Johnny for making the ride possible. Shout out to Imagine Dragons for taking the time to meet my family. And a huge shout out to all of you who have supported me for years, encouraging me and for believing in me, we've come a long way from that woman writing her suicide letter so many years ago. I hope that through my experiences that people will hold on to hope and live the life they were meant to.

Dan Reynolds, Austin, Cookie, Daniel Platzman, Taylor, Ben McKee, Wayne Sermon, Hunter, and Christy.

Today I am so grateful for this experience, I remember all of us being so happy and carefree while we were there. I am so grateful for the memories of this amazing time in our lives.

Watch Out World

Yesterday I realized that Christmas in only a month away, so I seriously decided to put some thought into what I wanted to get the kiddos. It has been difficult the past five Christmases without Austin. There is something that I wanted to make years ago and regret that I did not so this is the year. 

I took a shower got dressed in real clothes and left the house about 2:00 pm. Midway there I realize it was SATURDAY! I rarely leave the house anymore and have not seen this number of cars in I do not know how long! It was crazy! 

People were everywhere. But I had already put a lot of effort in this adventure, and I was not going to give up! That is until I got to Hobby Lobby, the parking lot was jammed packed! Not one parking spot available!

I debated with myself as I drove round and round the parking lot, telling myself I could do this another day, but I did not give up. I finally found a parking spot close to the door. But I must admit I was NOT prepared for all the people standing in line to checkout and shockingly every lane was open and full! I stood there with a deer caught in the headlight look. I turned around to leave because I knew there was no way I could stand in line that long without my walker.

As I was going out the door I turned around and went back in reminding myself I am no quitter! I went straight to the isle I needed and spent over two hours trying to decide what designs I needed. I was so overwhelmed with the choices and ideas that were available. Two hours later I am ready to check out! I was pleasantly surprised when I went to check out, each lane only had about five people in line each.

It has been a long time since I seen this many people out and about, it was nice but odd at the same time.

By the time I got home I was exhausted, so I settled down to watch TV when my daughter called to tell me the amazing job offer Taylor received. We are extremely happy for her and so proud of her.

Today I am grateful that I braved the stores, and I am so grateful for such a brave and beautiful granddaughter who is making a place for herself in the world. Watch out world here she comes! 

The Hunt Begins

I just realized it is a month until Christmas and have no idea what I am going to give the kids. I called Hunter to ask him what he wanted, and he said an accordion. I was like oh hell. So, I called Christy and said Well I got good news and bad news. She says oh no. I told her the good news is I know what Hunter wants for Christmas bad news is I know what Hunter wants for Christmas!

So, the hunt began, as I was looking, I finally figured out what I want to get the girls! So, I did a little shopping for Christmas today.

Today I am grateful that I even care about Christmas this year and I remembered in time to look for actual gifts this year.

Look What I Did

The kiddos have been making the new place theirs little by little. This afternoon Christy sent me a picture saying look what I did.

My heart stopped and my being filled with such happiness, she had taken all the bowls and pieces that Austin had given her over the years and finally displayed them for everyone to see.

I told her that just warmed my heart, she said yeah, I finally did it only took me a year. I replied it took you the amount of time you needed, and it was the perfect time to. 

After my conversation with Christy I was notified of a friends death, Rest in Peace Jerrel.

Today I am grateful that my daughter is starting to make it their home now.

Beautiful Again

I woke up today terrified that the procedure yesterday did not work and I would still have the issues I have had with my ear the past two years.

Today I am grateful beyond words that the pain is gone and my hearing is no longer muffled sounding. The world sounds beautiful again.

Traffic Jam Surprises

I find it amazing how observant Peter is, that boy doesn’t miss a thing. Being an Ankylosing Spondylitis Sufferer (A.S.S.) I always dress for comfort, most days t shirt, jeans, and sandals, other days just pajamas. I only wear my bra when I am leaving the house. Every single time I grab my bra and Peter sees me with it he will run and sit by the door, yesterday was no different. We had a little disagreement about him getting out of the house and going with me, it cracks me up because when he realizes he isn’t going to win, he makes a huffing noise and gets some attitude. 

I went to the ear doctor with the same complaint, and they ended up doing a procedure that should help I hope so. My appointment was at 4:30 pm and I left the office around 6:00 pm just in time for rush hour traffic. All I could think of is where did all these people come from? I rarely now and never in traffic anymore, so it was a little overwhelming plus I was facing the sun setting and lights bother me ever since I had my bad fall due to eye damage. 

I began looking around thinking maybe I should get something to eat, a restaurant happened to catch my eye it had such a beautiful light display and looked like such a happy spot! I decided to be adventurous and try something new.

I was a little stunned when I went in because they had a sign on the wall stating their faith and their support in what is going on in the world. I loved that they were brave enough to speak their truth in public. I found out it is a family owned and operated business which I loved also.

I looked over the menu and was unfamiliar with a lot of the items, so I just picked one and the waiter laughed and said being brave tonight? I said yes, I am.

Oh, my word it was AMAZING! I have no clue how to pronounce it, but it was wonderful!

It turned out to be a really nice time, the restaurant was full of laughter and voices, beautiful surroundings, and lots of people. I miss that. Oh bad thing was Peter would not greet me or have anything to do with me when I got home, thankfully the girls still loved me.

I am so glad for all that traffic that made me slow down because I would have missed a wonderful time had it not been there.

Today I am grateful for traffic jam surprises!