Open To Change

I have a “dear” friend who started out as my co worker in 1979, I have taken care of her children, helped pay to bury her husband, and thought of her as family as far back as I can remember and she has done the same.

I was speaking to someone who said there is NO way I could understand about “black lives matter” and such, which is ironic because she barely knows me. So I called Mary who happens to be a woman who is colored, no that’s not right, is black not that’s not right African American no that’s not right back to "black",

( I am unsure what political correct term to use but will use this since that is the word being used at this time) who happens to be a woman, with or had a husband, has sons, nephews and grandsons who would meet the criteria of “black lives matter” and the “talk” being shared lately.

I asked her to help me understand NOT what the message is saying but what it means.

I told her I wanted to have this conversation between a “white” and “black” person. She said why the hell can’t it be about two friends discussing something. I told her I wanted it to truly be about black and white so we could honestly discuss the issues of racism without the filter of our friendship. She said I get it so that was what we did.

So after many hours and a very open, honest and extremely tense conversation we both walked away changed.

She called me this morning to say she had been up most the night and was bothered by the fact out of the two of us, she was the “racist” and she apologized for always seeing me as her “white” friend. (Broke my heart to be honest because I didn’t realize she seen me that way)I also apologized to her for being color blind and not seeing that she indeed was my “black” friend. It was a very powerful moment for both of us.

There were many things on both sides we learned in that intense conversation but I am thankful we were able to “wear” our colors long enough not to be offended by each other’s ignorance of each other’s side of the story.

She shared with me that she realized that a conversation that brought us closer together as two people of different races resulted in a division of two human beings brought together in friendship.

She said she regretted being hateful to me when I said all lives matter, that she now realized that the end goal of all of this is that we should all remember all our lives matter. She said I know realize you are already at the finished line and it is I who needed to learn.

We agreed that it was indeed heartbreaking that friends of such depth could still not see each other's side. We walked away changed for sure. So for me the message I want to spread is…. THEIR lives matter Whoever “their” turns out to be.

Today I am grateful that we respected each other to be real enough to be open to change.