So It Begins

         

 

After a conversation with my daughter yesterday I have decided to write this section for my blog. 

I was originally going to title this section The Truth Behind My Smile, but it didn’t quite feel right to me. Because sometimes it feels like my smile doesn’t belong to me, but to others in my life. I guess what I am trying to say is that most of the time when I smile it is to make others feel more comfortable or to reassure them in some way, which makes it feel like it is their smile and not mine.

 I was introduced to the world of blogging by a friend of mine in the AS community and it gave me a place to be myself. But when I had the courage to be vulnerable and open about something I would always make the post private. I never felt brave enough to share that part of my story until now. I have wanted to write this blog for many years but didn’t have the emotional strength to do so even now I am not sure. I just feel like it is now or never.

Most of the time we only share the half-truths of our stories, because it is difficult and we are afraid of people not accepting it.

I have always tried to be an open book within the AS community but a lot of times I held back from writing about things that were bothering me or had happened. I guess it goes back to being called a fear monger or attention seeker, labels that pieced my heart and lodged themselves for ever. Until now.

I have decided to do this blog because I feel the need to. I need to put it into words what I have been carrying so I can let it go. The dates shown on the post will be the actual date of when they were written.

So today because of a daughter’s ability to see her mother, I will begin removing my mask…