Pretty In Pink

I have been "hiding" in my house behind my keyboard because I am struggling.
Struggling in pain and with Ankylosing Spondylitis. It's been over a year since I have had any medication.

Struggling to deal with the aftermath of Hurricane Harvey.
Struggling to deal with the beforemath of Hurricane Harvey.

It's safer to hide than live at this moment.

I was invited to a baby shower for Jodi, at my niece Brandy's house.
My first response I would love to go....
Then the reality of dealing with going.
Then the reality of dealing with being around new people.
Then the reality I would have to get dressed and leave the house.
Then the reality of pretending it was just another normal day.

Mornings are my worst time and the late evenings are harder and the short amount of time in between is tolerable.

I got dressed and went....
When I arrived there were so many cars, I almost left.
Then I had a pep talk with myself.

You are stronger than the fear of judgment of others.
You are stronger than the pain that wracks your body.
You are stronger than the isolation you use to survive.
You are stronger than the sorrow that breaks your soul.

So I walked up and knocked on the door, and a beautiful young lady opened the door with dark purple hair and a smile.... 

Hi Nanny! My buttercup, Taylor.

I walked into that noisy house, filled with children, strangers, and family, surrounded by presents, finger foods, and cake, enveloped in love and laughter and said a small prayer of thanks...

Sitting among all these different generations gathered in my nieces home to welcome a new life into our family. I realized just how close my life is coming to an end. I am a member of the elder generation of our family. I found myself wondering many times during the day did these same thoughts fill my mother when she gathered with all of us.

Little redhead boys filled with mischief, little brunette girls filled with sassiness played among us. I tried to absorb every laughter, every emotion and all the energy of love and family in that room into my soul.

There were hugs and statements of how wonderful it is to see you, it's been too long, oh my god I love you..

.I felt the same way.

I even got to brag about meeting Dan Reynolds and was the "wow" of the room for a moment. Making me realize that I hadn't fully appreciated what he had accomplished with his life and being a superstar! I had been too busy admiring and respecting a man who had the same disease as I and was winning.....

We all love the Imagine Dragon's music and it's a bond shared by several generations. Music is the greatest gift of all because there is no generation gap when you love the same music. The greatest gift is listening to a song and realizing three generations know ALL the words. And you sing it together, united into one.

There was a moment when my niece Brandy and I were having a conversation and the subject was an emotional one. One I hadn't realized that existed.
She looked at me, with love in her eyes and said Oh my god you gave me a new perception about this. I never thought of it that way.

Wouldn't it be amazing that my battle to be a "normal" person today would result in that situation changing in the future? I hope it does and I hope that I played a small part in it.

Today I am grateful for family, strength to overcome what holds you back in small ways and for the Aha moments, I have been blessed with or a part of.

Today was a day of finger foods, laughter, love, and life. Oh, and cake, let's not forget the cake!

Today for a moment in time I was just Aunt Cookie, Nanny and Mom, nothing more and nothing less and for that, I will be forever grateful.