Gone Forever

Well today is my sixty third birthday. Every birthday I would always think I have lived this many years longer than Diana, now added is Austin and Amanda. I am not sure why their lives were cut so short, it is something that rages deep inside of me, even though the world sees me smiling.

I realized that I will be shredding the last of my journals today, how fitting. I must confess I am struggling so much and especially with finally shredding the last of it. I chose not to read them as I shredded them because I did not want to relive any of it.

This blog has been such a gift for me, to be able to express feelings of gratitude, I hope one day this blog helps someone that is struggling to find some hope.

Today I am grateful that a lifetime of hardships, trauma and pain will be gone forever, and that the true depth of sorrow in my heart will never be discovered. I know had they been found a lot of things would make sense to those I love but somethings are meant to never be known.