For 2,146 days from October 8, 2011, to August 23, 2017, I worked every single day on the Faces of Ankylosing Spondylitis project in some small way.
I have worked with physical illness, family tragedies, no matter what was going on I still did my best to do something that had to do with my Faces of AS project.
The last actual Face I posted was on August 5, 2017, but I still worked on the project behind the scenes until August 24, 2017.
My life changed, my soul changed, my passion left along with the water...
The cherry on the cake was when Proboard closed the Faces of AS information board, 6 fking years wasted and gone in a minute and no one really cared. Just me.
You see little by little my soul has been dying, and I am not sure to be honest I will ever be me again.
Too much pain, betrayal, loss and destruction and sometimes things are so broken there is no hope.
I decided that no matter what I was going to work on adding Faces to the website, I have an obligation to reach my goal and then I will quietly fade away.
(At this moment I am listening to my Imagine Dragons CD and Dan just sang out the words... Then I fade away. Concinedience? Or a prediction or just stating my truth? )
Any way... I logged in to the website and opened my files and sat there for a moment, confused and disorientated.
Finally, I sent a text that said:
How can I be lost in a world I CREATED? I am numb I feel no connection or passion for this project.
I felt as if I was in a foreign world that belonged to someone else.
I went through the motions of years of habit and added face by face to the site.
By the end of the day, I add read almost 200 emails, added 20 Faces to the site and responded to all the emails.
Today I am grateful I had the courage to manage in a foreign world and to a friend who knew exactly what I was talking about.
I have worked with physical illness, family tragedies, no matter what was going on I still did my best to do something that had to do with my Faces of AS project.
The last actual Face I posted was on August 5, 2017, but I still worked on the project behind the scenes until August 24, 2017.
My life changed, my soul changed, my passion left along with the water...
The cherry on the cake was when Proboard closed the Faces of AS information board, 6 fking years wasted and gone in a minute and no one really cared. Just me.
You see little by little my soul has been dying, and I am not sure to be honest I will ever be me again.
Too much pain, betrayal, loss and destruction and sometimes things are so broken there is no hope.
I decided that no matter what I was going to work on adding Faces to the website, I have an obligation to reach my goal and then I will quietly fade away.
(At this moment I am listening to my Imagine Dragons CD and Dan just sang out the words... Then I fade away. Concinedience? Or a prediction or just stating my truth? )
Any way... I logged in to the website and opened my files and sat there for a moment, confused and disorientated.
Finally, I sent a text that said:
How can I be lost in a world I CREATED? I am numb I feel no connection or passion for this project.
I felt as if I was in a foreign world that belonged to someone else.
I went through the motions of years of habit and added face by face to the site.
By the end of the day, I add read almost 200 emails, added 20 Faces to the site and responded to all the emails.
Today I am grateful I had the courage to manage in a foreign world and to a friend who knew exactly what I was talking about.
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