Love Yourself Enough To Choose

I received a message today from someone I love to piece and wasn’t sure if I should be hurt, mad or offended but decided on neither. I decided to be complimented and proud of myself that they would think that considering.

The comment was you know Cookie not all of us have an easy life and cannot always be positive and cheerful. Some of us have gone through terrible things physically and emotionally and have or had financial troubles. We are not all as blessed as you are.

My first response of course was to tick off a list of all that I have been through and going through you know what I mean.

Well let me tell you…

1. …

2. …

3. …

4. …

5. …

until I get to 1,356,999 things. I am sure it is that number at least!

But then I stopped myself and thought about the polite way to handle this, because I care about this person. I thought oh my god is that how they really see me? Then I was so proud of myself because I was able to show that part of myself and that was the message I was putting out in the world.

My life is and has never been roses and sunshine, since my birth it’s been storms, darkness, and pain.

I don’t remember a year in my life that something terrible or tragic or life changing hasn’t happened. I could sit here for hours and give you a list and most of you wouldn’t believe me.

Hell, I lived through it and do not believe it, sometimes.

I will tell you this, sometimes it doesn’t come easy to be positive and I fight to make a choice for that to be the message I show to the world. A lot of times when I type words on this screen of encouragement it’s really because I NEED someone to say that to me.

This is where the quote that I made come from “I'm not the lessons I've been taught in life, I'm the lessons I want to teach.” Yep that is MY quote! Pretty good right! 

When something bad happens. I grieve it, I soak in, I live it, I get mad and then I look for the positives about the situation no matter what it is, and I take that and do my best to learn to live with it.

I can’t live in it, or I would go insane. I tried that. I ended up attempting suicide. Not only once but twice.

I make a conscientious decision to be an optimistic person and when you do that it eventually becomes easier. At least that is what they say.

I have pity parties, but I don’t unpack and live there.

I get mad and I let it out and let it go.

I refuse to let things I can’t control have that much control over me, but I know one day something will change that.

Life is short I don’t want to waste it being bitter, angry, and feel entitled.

I want to remember everything is a blessing.

I want to remember to embrace my struggles the best way I can and remember they too shall pass.

I want to live in the moment and be present in my life.

I want to be able to know that I didn’t let things in life, change the person I want to be.

I want to be happy, loving, kind, caring, forgiving, giving and compassionate… so I work on it.

I choose to be.

The things done to you or happen to you only affect you as much as you allow it to.

You are in control… love yourself enough to choose to be.

Thank you to the one who sent the message, because you allowed me to see the real me…

Something I don’t appreciate sometimes or really see about myself.

Today I am grateful that I love myself enough to see beyond the hurtful words.