It's been 11 days since I spoke to her, feels like a lifetime of not hearing that gentle sweet voice.
To be honest I was beginning to feel hurt but then I realized she was probably doing the same thing I was.
Giving her space, while keeping to myself in order to deal with my struggles at this time.
I couldn't hold out any longer, I needed to hear her voice, and I needed her to hear mine.
It was like we had just spoken this morning and not 11 days ago.
We caught up with each other and then I heard "And how is Cookie, really? How are you managing to stay together?"
I knew I could be honest and real without any judgment about what I would say and without any repercussions for my feelings.
I said honestly I am not managing at all, I am just here. Each day I discover a new loss from Harvey as you find time to look a little deeper.
I didn't hear it could be worse. I didn't hear it will be okay. I didn't hear this will pass. I didn't hear you will manage to get through this. I didn't hear anything but a gentle soothing voice say Oh...cookie.
Oh, sweet cookie I am so sorry.
And I could hear her love and compassion in her voice, which I replied.
Honestly, I am managing by remembering if I was dead, I wouldn't have these things with me.
I remind myself that when I die, I won't be able to take it with me so what does it matter in the long run.
Yes, I know it could be worse.
Yes, I know I know I fking know!
But how broken must a heart be in order for people to just let it be broken for that moment in time?
Her unconditional love gave me the courage, in giving myself permission to just be broken, completely broken in that moment and in that gift I knew deep down, that I would be okay.
That one day my broken pieces would heal back together and that even if it was different than before I would still be whole.
Today I am grateful for two soft-spoken words, oh cookie wrapped up in sincere empathy and unconditional love.
To be honest I was beginning to feel hurt but then I realized she was probably doing the same thing I was.
Giving her space, while keeping to myself in order to deal with my struggles at this time.
I couldn't hold out any longer, I needed to hear her voice, and I needed her to hear mine.
It was like we had just spoken this morning and not 11 days ago.
We caught up with each other and then I heard "And how is Cookie, really? How are you managing to stay together?"
I knew I could be honest and real without any judgment about what I would say and without any repercussions for my feelings.
I said honestly I am not managing at all, I am just here. Each day I discover a new loss from Harvey as you find time to look a little deeper.
I didn't hear it could be worse. I didn't hear it will be okay. I didn't hear this will pass. I didn't hear you will manage to get through this. I didn't hear anything but a gentle soothing voice say Oh...cookie.
Oh, sweet cookie I am so sorry.
And I could hear her love and compassion in her voice, which I replied.
Honestly, I am managing by remembering if I was dead, I wouldn't have these things with me.
I remind myself that when I die, I won't be able to take it with me so what does it matter in the long run.
There finally after two months, I was able to just speak my true reality of how I am coping with the losses of Hurricane Harvey.
Yes, I didn't lose any loved ones.
Yes, I didn't lose my home.
Yes, I know I know I fking know!
But how broken must a heart be in order for people to just let it be broken for that moment in time?
Her unconditional love gave me the courage, in giving myself permission to just be broken, completely broken in that moment and in that gift I knew deep down, that I would be okay.
That one day my broken pieces would heal back together and that even if it was different than before I would still be whole.
Today I am grateful for two soft-spoken words, oh cookie wrapped up in sincere empathy and unconditional love.
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