Rage

I went to bed last night exhausted, soot covered, tear stained, heartbroken, and soul shattered to wake up two hours later, angry, bitter, disgusted, and just empty.

I have spent the past 4 hours trying to figure out, what I or my family has ever done in life to endure what we have been through in our lifetimes. 

I hear people talk about Karma, you get out of life what you put out, and if you put out kindness and good, that is what you will get out of life. 

Well I am here to tell you that is a lie.

Who thinks up this stupid shit? I have seen cruel selfish mean ass basterds sail through life without suffering one ounce of tragedy to live to be 90 and die of old age. People that Karma should have gotten their soul before they left the world.

You can call this oh cookie’s being negative or having a pity party and you are wrong, this is cookie p*ssed at the world and the cruel injustice of how people who have never done a f*cking thing in their lives to anyone but be kind, giving, compassionate and loving get kicked in the teeth over and over and over again.

I watch people be hateful over awareness projects, attack others for difference of opinions and watch people throw people or walk away from them as if they are garbage and no karma hits their door.

I don’t understand what my three grandchildren and daughter or I for that matter have ever done to deserve what we have and continue to go through.

I will match good deeds and tragedies against you any day and dispel your Karma theory.

Life is cruel, hard and wonderful at the same time.

Good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people.

My daughter lost her home in a hurricane only to rebuild it and then it burnt to the ground due to contractor error, which we later found out he had no insurance.  (Which is a joke anyway but that is a different story for another time)

We have finally managed to finish the home we bought after Hurricane Ike, and get it livable and the way they wanted it. They moved in this month around the third.

Yesterday I get a phone call I answered it and it was my daughter screaming MY HOUSE IS ON FIRE.

I arrive to her home to 7 fire trucks, 2 sheriffs, and 3 ambulances.

Everyone is safe, the animals are safe and the home can be repaired.

My daughter after hours standing in the sun battling the fire, the mental anguish, the hysteria and the TEXAS HEAT, collapsed and fell down her stairs, and was rushed to the hospital.

Nothing broken, just sprained bad and a small fracture and a cute walking cast now.

On my way to the hospital driving and cursing and crying like a wild man, angry, confused and feeling life is just too much.

I stopped to get me some water, because I too felt like I was going to die of a heat stroke.

I park next to a truck the man smiles at me. I am unsure if I smiled back. I came back and noticed the truck said Texas Equusearch on it, the man I was telling you about who is my hero.

I stopped dead in my tracks, and was instantly put in my place, I knew where all my loved ones were, he  wasn’t getting ready to search for anyone I loved at least not that I know of.

I am not sure who I am anymore, you see people’s ability to toss me aside like garbage, and life being cruel has left me so broken that I am no longer the same person anymore. I know that the person I was is someone I no longer am.

I guess we all get what we deserve in life, so they say….

I am not sure why I even bothered with this, but I see so many being cruel and petty to each other, people throwing friends away like yesterdays garbage, I don’t know I just want to mean more than that and for people to know we all mean more than that.

I am exhausted; soul shattered just over look me.

We will be okay, we always are, right?

My granny always said No kind deed goes unpunished, I think I am going to try the alternative; I am tired of being punished for kind deeds.

Tell your fire department and police department thank you, they have a thankless job.

Keep those you love and care for in your heart.

Wishing you all the best.

We are safe and will be okay.

I just needed to express how I feel, so I can pretend to be strong for my daughter and grandchildren.

Today I am grateful that my family is safe and that I have the outlet to express how I feel so I do not bring this into my family's life.