You're so strong.
You got this.
You're superwoman.
You can do this.
You're the strongest person I know.
Over the years people have told me over and over, you're so strong, you got this, you can do this... but the truth of the matter is I'm not strong.
It's just that people THINK I am, but in reality, I'm not.
This isn't strength they are witnessing its called no choice.
I've never had a choice in deciding whether I was a strong person or not, life and people didn't give me that option.
My reality is I have to depend on myself because everyone thinks I am the strong one or that they honestly do not care. Which of these scenarios is true, I don't know.
This has been a hard lesson for me to learn over the past few years, but I am learning what my true worth is not only to others but to myself.
My worth is...
I am someone who can be trusted.
I am someone you can call on.
I am someone who has your back.
I am someone who will help you.
I am someone you can trust.
I am someone who you can depend on.
I am someone who loves unconditionally.
I am someone who doesn't judge.
I am someone who will drop everything for you.
I am someone who reaches out.
I am someone who will be there in your time of need.
I am someone who will comfort you.
I am someone who will have your back.
I am someone who gives all that freely but....
People tell you, you need to let go of those who aren't there for you....
My circle is getting smaller and smaller.
And I realize that even inside my most treasured circle I do not have this.
So I pretend to be okay, I pretend not to need, I pretend to handle it, I pretend to be strong.
You got this.
You're superwoman.
You can do this.
You're the strongest person I know.
Over the years people have told me over and over, you're so strong, you got this, you can do this... but the truth of the matter is I'm not strong.
It's just that people THINK I am, but in reality, I'm not.
This isn't strength they are witnessing its called no choice.
I've never had a choice in deciding whether I was a strong person or not, life and people didn't give me that option.
My reality is I have to depend on myself because everyone thinks I am the strong one or that they honestly do not care. Which of these scenarios is true, I don't know.
This has been a hard lesson for me to learn over the past few years, but I am learning what my true worth is not only to others but to myself.
My worth is...
I am someone who can be trusted.
I am someone you can call on.
I am someone who has your back.
I am someone who will help you.
I am someone you can trust.
I am someone who you can depend on.
I am someone who loves unconditionally.
I am someone who doesn't judge.
I am someone who will drop everything for you.
I am someone who reaches out.
I am someone who will be there in your time of need.
I am someone who will comfort you.
I am someone who will have your back.
I am someone who gives all that freely but....
People tell you, you need to let go of those who aren't there for you....
My circle is getting smaller and smaller.
And I realize that even inside my most treasured circle I do not have this.
So I pretend to be okay, I pretend not to need, I pretend to handle it, I pretend to be strong.
I pretend not to be hurt, I pretend not to care, I pretend people care.
I have no choice because the truth of the matter is I am not strong enough to face the reality of that truth.
My greatest blessing is I am fifty-eight years old and not healthy and all this pretending will end soon.
So for today, I pretend to be strong enough to deal with this...
But the truth is...
I have no strength left.
I have no prayers left.
I have no anger left.
I have no hope left.
I have no faith left.
I have no emotions left.
I have no forgiveness left.
I only have divine numbness left.
I am a shell of a person that people refuse to see, and only see a "strong" version of who I have had no choice but to be.
Today I am grateful for those who tell me how strong I am because it helps me to be.
No comments:
Post a Comment